Musings from an eternal optimist about post-divorce life, the state of being a single mom, dating in one’s mid-forties, feminism, and whatever else strikes my fancy. Previously blogged at http://pollyannasdivorce.blogspot.com and you can read the before story there.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Slew of Fish versus OkCupid, Part II
Thanks for these reviews. I was thinking about joining a fresh dating website. My best friend is a member of almost every online dating site and has been attempting to get me to join one for years. I am so busy with work and school and it makes it difficult to find anyone. Wish me luck!
Ok Cupid does NOT have a better dating ",pool",. I find it a lot less effective and slower. I am not sure how you look or what is on your profile? But I get slew of messages from educated, professional dudes on POF. Actually, I just received on a message on OK Cupid from a stud I originally began talking to on POF. So there you go. And no he is NOT educated. And was one of only a few messages I have received on Ok Cupid. However, I do have a date tonight with a successful, educated man I met off of POF. So do not believe everything you read people. I have yet to see OK Cupid produce better. I have gone out with surgeons, business owners ect ALL from POF. And they were respectful and decent.
Well, if you have gone out with all these ",educated boys", and you are still looking, obviously there is something wrong or someone is just messing around.
For the tastes there are flavors, so people are clever enough to know who is a potential candidate according to what they are looking for, no matter which website they presently use. I am a very clever, independent professional and educated person, and I don’t use either of those. Joy article to read tho’.
anon – not nice. nothing or everything is demonstrable. every woman is still looking
I’m a 50 year old professional masculine with a Graduate Degree who has embarked on-line dating recently. I have profiles on both POF and OKC. I think I will be pulling down POF.
Lauren, I do wish you luck. 🙂
*Facepalms* Degrees, masters etc, are all child’s-play in this day and age. And do not give you merit to look down one’s nose.
The point the OP was making was that education is a ",screen",, a ",necessary", but ",not sufficient",condition, if you will. If you are an intellectual, then this is a flawlessly legitimate consideration and is not ",snobbish",. The topics such a person would want to discuss are simply not in the ken of an individual possessing only a hs degree
I would wonder what kinds of topics those would be, that the educated of the world are secretly discussing behind the unwashed hordes’ backs.
@InnerBoyka: Oh truly? Educated topics are not in the ken of an individual possessing only a high school degree? Who says someone with a high school degree can’t discuss Voltaire, Eliott Wave Theory, assembly language, or Mesoamerican history? Furthermore, equating success with degrees is ridiculous. Neither of the two richest guys in America have any degrees. To be someone who constructs their own pedestal from their collection of degrees must be a very sad state of existence, and I can’t indeed understand the motive for doing it. Perhaps you have no pragmatic qualities, and so it is a last resort to save your self esteem? Degrees do not equal intellect. People can pay others to write a thesis for them in college. I’ve met more non-college intellectuals than college educated intellectuals. PollyAnna, I’ll tell you why you aren’t attracting studs with degrees: because most of us are enlightened enough to not want to date women who judge people’s intellect based on paper certificates. I, for example, have earned two college degrees, and I would never date someone with your level of hubris and false perception of intellectual superiority.
Anonymous, that was a sultry response, but a tad misguided.
You should read my post ",Online Dating Makes Me Shallow.",
A nice collection of degrees? Earnestly? Are you rich or does your company just do tuition reimbursement? You do realize that not everyone is in the same life situation as you and they might of loved to have a ",nice collection of degrees", but they very likely cant afford that because they were not suggested the same opportunities you were through work and scholarship. And if you took out loans to pay for it all. can I ask why? That seems kind of ditzy.
Robert, I worked 40-60 hours per week to put myself through undergraduate (the company did tuition reimbursement but in order to get it and also pay for my own rent I worked the minimum 30 hours per week to qualify by doing menial work that paid poorly, and then did internships there on top of that), then saved money to put myself through a post-bac and then a masters after I’d worked a few years. I graduated weary but debt free.
PollyAnna, you are flawlessly entitled to want what you want. I’m willing to bet that each of your critics have their preferences as well, otherwise they would have already accepted anything/anyone and not still be looking.
Just from the way the two sites are structured, it’s visible that your education thesis is correct. POF buries the essays under more shallow things. The very very first thing you see, after the username and tagline, is ",smoking status.", It takes FOREVER to get to the ",essays,", which on POF are brief as can be, which thrusts them to be more and more generic.
A thoughtful response – and I tend to agree with you! Thanks for stopping in.
Match is better than both of them for serious relationships. I’m on all three.
I determined to join Cupid becasue after returning home from my Counselling Degree in Scotland, I find myself alone, with everyone having moved on and away.
Colin, thanks for your response. It sounds like your treatment and mine are pretty similar, and on behalf of ladies everywhere, I thank you for actually reading the profiles. If a gentleman sends me a message like the one you’re indicating, I always reply, because if he has taken the time to be thoughtful it’s the least I can do in comeback.
Woman with super high expectations usually die alone, or get cheated on.
Terrence, women with low expectations get divorced. 🙂 I’d rather have high expectations and die alone than reduce myself in the way I did in my marriage.
Women with high expectations get divorced too. :))
Girrl more power to ya. Half these guys most likely have shitty appearance standards. Requiring long hair, plane stomachs, and fair skin. You have a legitimate preference with legitimate reasons (and a little bit of plasticity depending on the situation, which I totally commend) and people are providing you shit? Don’t ever stress it. People are permitted to have high expectations, I get it. But guys get a lot less crap for wanting nice ladies then I’ve seen you get for wanting someone who values education like you do. I loved your article it indeed helped me determine whether to sign up for POF. <,Three
Okcupid stealth bans users for frivolous matters and the users can do stealth overlooks. The questions on the site feature some dubiously conceited moral judgements. All these facts contribute to the user base being a very manipulative cesspool. The majority of daters are those with high school education and blue dog collar practice this is not so statistically with Okcupid because its user base is packed with LIARS.
I can’t agree with the entire thing about needing boys to be ",pushy",. Women say things like that, but they are uncommonly actually pushy themselves. Just stand back and wait for studs to do all the work. Then if he doesn’t, somehow he’s not being pushy?
Or is it that you think guys should be pushy, but women shouldn’t. And if so, why not? are women not qualified enough to make the same decisions boys make when it comes to dating?
My assertiveness comment comes from practice. I have slew of practice, and I’ve initiated conversations, dates, smooches, and the rest. but I’ve noticed that it infrequently gets me what I want. I truly like pushy guys, and I don’t always want to be in charge. I was married to a passive man – my own mistake – and it did not serve me well. So, in the future, I want to be with a more pushy man, and one way to filter that is that he needs to pursue me a little.
Open minded test of intellectual integrity #1:
FUUUUUUUCCCKKC FUCK FUCK FUUUUUCK
I somehow fail to see the connection inbetween you screaming (all caps) profanity and my intellectual integrity, but hey, if it makes you blessed. No, not everyone has a fair say here. It’s my blog and if I found something truly offensive (racism, for example) I’d liquidate it.
I stumbled upon this post and your previous post tonight and just had to smile to myself because you pretty much plumbed it on the head about the differences inbetween the sites. While many people on here want to attack you, I think that’s a bit immature. Personally, I’m just going to stick with the topic on palm.
I have been on and off POF for almost a year and a half. I’ve been on and off OK Cupid for about nine months.
When you get on POF it can be empowering. I’ve had many women tell me that who I friended off POF. But, yet, in the end, I think the enormous pool of people to choose from on POF is downgraded by it’s lack of quality. I’ve been on many dates on POF. I’ve been on many dates on OK Cupid. Not as many as POF. But while I have not met the woman of my fantasies the dates I’ve had off OKC were far better and more entertaining. Most of the dates I reminisce off POF were bad. VERY BAD.
I think OKC also presents a more genuine picture of a person. There’s enough questions to reaction that you can figure people out better. In POF, you only have to type in about 50 words to get a profile up.
I have an entertaining story about POF and just how perception can be skewed. A year ago, I was getting fed up with the Web site. I had been played by several women. I’m a professional writer, so I determined I would put up a joke profile. Something totally ridiculous and off the wall. I didn’t lie in my profile, but I embellished some of my traits and past and made myself sound like a bad boy. I did this at midnight, laughed to myself and went to bed. But then the very next day something happened that stunned me and hadn’t happened to that point. My veritable, sweet profile that talked about how I was intelligent and thougtful hardly got any feedback. The very next day I had three women contact me. I had never received a message from a woman before that point. Within a week I had 7 women message me. I got more responses back than I ever did with my other profile. I ended it after a month because I figured out quickly these weren’t women that I would date. But it was still laughable to me.
I recently deleted my POF profile and don’t plan to go back. I’m considering putting another profile on Ok Cupid to give it another shot. But at the same time, I’m now just going to commence manning up and talking to women the old fashioned way. The fact is, you called it man mall shopping earlier and it is. That’s why I’m pretty much fed up with any dating sites any more. I met my ex wifey on Yahoo Personals 14 years ago and we were married Ten years. But a lot of things have switched since then. Back then there were no photos so you had to get to know the person. It seems like now both sides just want to ",shop", and not spend the time to truly get to know someone. The grass is greener on the other side of the hill for most online shoppers it emerges. I’ve had too many instances of talking to women who I think I connected with. Then they vanish. Then I see them back on months later, messaging me about how they dated a masturbate who was so bad to them and hey we could still be friends.
But that ship sailed. And I think private sites are sailing too out of my life.
I’ve been on match.com, POF and OkCupid for about a week each. I’ve paid the adequate fees to get all the features. so, a quick summary of my practices so far. Keep in mind I’m a fairly average looking stud, albeit very tall and I’m half Asian and 43, which makes dating online a bit of a challenge.
I stumbled on your blog and like your reviews about both dating sites. I was on Slew of Fish for years until I got burnt out with it and permanently deleted my profile. Albeit I’ve gotten a duo dates out of the site, most of the guys on there were very trashy and past their prime to be partying. I do tend to gravitate towards older boys, but these were guys that were looking for jailbait. It was very effortless to find a friend with benefits on POF (I stayed with one for about a year and a half), but a quality relationship is indeed out of the question. They also don’t like writing on their About Mes. I’ve ",read", way too many profiles that say ",a,lakdfakdjl,df,sk", or ",Ask me",. Which makes me inclined to believe that the fellow is either lazy, boring, or both. And I’m past the age where I think that’s nice.
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I’m just kicking off to use OK Cupid and I truly don’t like it. Things like quickmatch on your phone where you’re given a stack of women’s pictures and then you get to flick them off into oblivion feels counter intuitive when you’re attempting to make a connection with people.
I recently embarked the entire online dating thing and desired to thank you for your post.
Considering I’m looking for a relationship and not a pen pal I began using POF. (Hadn’t heard about OK Cupid) While the local member base is a dramatic improvement, the profile information is dismal and the response percentage is even worse. (Defiantly could be my fault)
I just found this blog – interesting comments. I’m masculine, well educated, mid-40s, no divorce issues/no kids, drama free and on both POF and OKC, and had been on eH and Match. I gave up on eH and Match because I honestly didn’t find the clientele or message responses (frequency) to be that much different than POF or OKC. If I need to be in this for the long haul in order to find someone (and it is embarking to look that way), it is just lighter for me to dangle on longer without a monthly bill coming from eH or Match.
LMAO! I think that this last Anonymous man who commented on October 25, 2014 at 12:37 PM just wielded everyone else above him. Lol he made some pretty funny and poignant points, but don’t guys in their 40s+ practice this karma he describes in a similar way? Or are they immune to it at that age for some mystical reason??
Using POF and OKCupid is like telling you still use Myspace.. Its old and nobody goes there. both sites have fake profiles, the reviews you are reading are from the owners. why would an average person defend another website. fake, fake, fake reviews..
Give us a clue then wise one. POF gargles if you have half-a-brain and use a quarter of it, OK-Cupid is certainly attracting a better class of person.
I am nosey about the websites the very first user cites. If OkCupid is MySpace, then there are a lot of Luddites in society. After an absence, I came back to OkC, and there are tons of users from all walks of life, same as before.
The writer, like other writers on dating sites, seems too self indulged rather than addressing the topic. guys can be worse, boasting of sexual conquests to a random audience. I am a 63 year old man and the process is not effortless in the least, yet I proceed to attempt. I much choose OKC as the women seem more grounded, authentic, and down to earth. I receive responses and on occasion, a woman contacts me very first. I attempted POF and I detest it. I would never, under any circumstances, attempt it again. It is a place where mediocre women receive more attention than they ever thought possible and act accordingly. A puny % of my well written messages received responses, most were overlooked. However, the same ladies are on there, month after month. OKC is worth my efforts, POF is trash!
OkCupid and Match are a joke.
Captain, here’s the truth. I choose it when dudes leave the income line blank, and I leave mine blank, too. It’s none of my business how much money you, or they, make, and I don’t indeed like it when people put down their income. Honestly, the higher the income, the more I think ",oh you showoff, and attracting women by your income is shallow", and if it’s too low I think ",oh that’s sad", and there is just no winning. I attempt to disregard income and look at other compatibility instead. And I don’t post my income, because it’s none of your business, either. I’m looking for a date, not a mortgage!
Part of it isn’t the sites I join, it’s me. It indeed is. I am overweight and disabled, a devout Christian, and have no income aside from a little SSI however I also volunteer and read a lot. I have been to college, tho’ aside from some subbing have never put my degree to use. I am looking for a devout Christian–probably overweight and disabled–who is intelligent and has many interests regardless of formal education. As long as he has a little income, ($8000-10,000 per year) I don’t consider myself to be a gold-digger. I am in my early 40’s too, and all the studs want 20 year-old super models. Those guys deserve to be taken advantage of when it comes to money. Eagerness and greed are both materialistic.
The funny thing is that I was matched up with two friends on OKCupid. We had high compatibility. I guess because we share interests and viewpoints, and truth be told, I had thought about dating them much earlier in our friendship but then when I got to know them I didn’t think we were that strong of match for each other than interests and viewpoints. I did meet an ex gf on OKCUpid and we lasted a year. The relationship did embark to unravel after 6 months because of her own doing. I haven’t attempted POF but my friend got married from a dude she met on there. So keep searching!